What Teach for America Gave Me

I meant to write this all summer. In fact, I meant to write this before I left San Antonio, Texas--my Teach for America home for 2 years after college. But for some reason, I just never did until I happened to see this article on the NYTimes setting up the debate about the effectiveness of TFA.

When I joined Teach for America in 2010 in the San Antonio Charter Corps, I knew I would be leaving for medical school in 2 years. I knew that TFA was notoriously difficult because of the high expectations placed on its corps members and the situation they were placed in.

Coming right out of college, wide-eyed and idealistic, it's a bit of a shock to go into a classroom prepared to pull a "Stand and Deliver" moment, only to be completely unsure of what to do when a student starts yelling racial slurs across the room, and another picks up a chair looking to throw it.

But how could I enter the world of medicine, saying I wanted to effect a change in health policy and work with the underserved population, when my experiences were primarily in volunteering? I did Teach for America because I knew it would give me perspective on the social, economic, cultural, and academic impacts of American poverty. In return, I could provide 2 years of my dedicated, unrelenting effort to my students as a science teacher.

I was provided about 6 weeks of in-class training, and then training throughout the school year about being at teacher. Most people, especially those who did semester or year long in-class training, gawk at that. How can you possible learn to drive an effective classroom in that amount of time? The answer is simple: you can't. I didn't, and I doubt anyone does. But what it gave me was a template of how to prepare lesson plans, focus on academic achievement, and set high standards for my students. More importantly, it slapped the wide-eyed innocence right out of me. It showed me what I would have to do, gave me the tools on how to handle it, and sent me off--trembling from excitement and a healthy dose of fear of failure.

But that's why Teach For America has a rigorous selection process. It's not all a numbers game: it's about leadership. After all -- what are you if not the leader, commander, and director of your classroom? Though it is not fool proof, it does effectively recruit people who are goal-driven, hard workers and will not give up at the first, second, third, or fourteenth failure.

I gave everything I could to my students over the 2 years that I worked for San Antonio Independent School District. I promised them I would teach them Biology, and I did. I promised them I would get them above and beyond passing the state Biology exam, and for most, I did. I promised them I would never give up on them, and I didn't. People often ask me if I feel that I made an actual impact on my students' lives--and I'm honestly not sure. I can tell you that there are students that will never remember, and students that will always remember me. I can tell that I had the opportunity to work with children to take them from knowing very little about Biology, to being conversational in basic Biology by the end of the year. I can tell them that I made students feel, and therefore be, smart. But a lasting impact? Only time will tell.

But my time with them gave me more. From an educational standpoint, TFA has made an education advocate out of me for life. I have internalized the impact that schools can have on students even when communities and families are struggling. I understand what it is like to be a teacher in an over-crowded underfunded classroom. And I know now what it's like to want to help your students so badly, but face a seemingly insurmountable sociocultural and political barriers. Education is no longer the great equalizer in our country, I see that clearer than ever, and I will work to ensure that changes.

From a medical standpoint, starting my future-physician career, I am more aware of how the world works. I can not only identify the socioeconomic determinants of health and health care delivery, but I have seen and internalized them. Two years gave me the time and experience to look at my school community broadly and learn why my students and their families make some of the choices they do, both helpful and harmful. I believe it has given me the beginnings of insight into what could be implementable and effective in these communities to better health outcomes. Or I could be wrong, but at the very least it has fueled my desire to learn more and push my career in medicine towards community health care and closing our health outcomes gap.

Do I think Teach for America is the answer to our educational woes? No, it's a very big band-aid on the wound that is our bleeding education system. I never took TFA for the answer--but rather a program that will push people who normally wouldn't be interested in education (either because of the extraordinarily low pay or the lack of respect the profession can engenders, or both) and change that,  making them more aware of the problem. TFA alums, no matter where we go, either staying in education or moving on to a different career, will always have our students and our experience in the back of our minds, consciously or subconsciously influencing our actions.

So back to my main point--what TFA has given me. It's given me a direction. A direction I was tentatively leaning towards after college, but now am barreling towards in medical school. A direction I can only hope will be worth the high monetary investment in my teacher training and classroom, and will help to shape the communities I was privileged enough to work in for 2 years. 

Two Years

These are some of my thoughts that I've collected for the past few days, just what came out of my head:

School ended for me on June 6th. It is now June 15th. We spent the past 9 days packing up our house in San Antonio, moving across the country, finding an apartment in Boston, losing an apartment in Boston, finding another and signing it, reconnecting with my brother and sister-in-law, and seeing a few well-missed friends. It's been a whirl-wind experience, and I look forward to experience the rest of this summer with so many firsts.

But almost a week and a half has passed since school has ended and I have definitely had time to ruminate on the past two years. There's not much to say that has not been said already. I never saw myself in the classroom, but these past two years have given me experiences, perspectives, and thoughts that I never would have had if I had simply passed straight into medical school.

My class key 

My classroom

It is absurd to think that I will not being seeing most of my 280 students again. I won't stand in my classroom again and see them walk by as sophomores, while I usher in my next group crazy freshman.  I hope in some way I have impacted their lives, and helped them to see that they can reach for a world outside of their 20 mile radius.

My lovely 1st period class

I am truly thankful to Teach for America for allowing me to see and live the other side of the desk as a teacher. I would have never seen or understood the behind the scenes work, be it administrative or just planning, that teachers do every day.  In order to truly achieve a transformational change in education and education policy, we need education advocates from all walks of life to better understand the slowly festering crisis. To that end, TFA has achieved it's goal with me: I will forever be an education advocate.

I'm looking forward to the future, with some excitement, some fear, and a lot of butterflies. Medical school will be tough...but it definitely won't be the same type of tough as 30 expectant pairs of eyes staring at me, Miss Shah, and expecting me to fill their brains with knowledge. 

A lot

A lot has happened in the past few days. President Obama came out in favor of same-sex marriage, Tyler finished his final class at UTSA, my students took my Biology end of course (EOC) exam, and we went to a great restaurant.

I don't think I'll get to all that in this post. Let's take one thing at a time.

Today honestly felt like nothing I have ever experienced before. Watching my students take the EOC test was a moment that made me understand a little bit what parents probably feel towards their children--an overwhelming sense of pride. I saw them open up their test books, I saw them underline, highlight, star, cross off answers...use all the techniques I taught them. I saw them pick the right answers, I saw them get confused and pick the wrong answer. But they worked so hard, and I just couldn't help the smile plastered on my face for the first 30 minutes of class.

One student in particular, B, came to my tutoring since...February. Any time I had tutoring, she'd be there. During school, after school, heck, even once before school I think. And I was lucky enough to be testing with her today. I feel an unexpected attachment to her and a deep investment in how she did on the test. Just watching her circle the word transcription and write DNA --> mRNA on the paper was just enough to make me understand...remember, realize, why I did Teach For America. I taught her that. I did! Not any random thing, but me...up in the front of a class, coming up with lessons, teaching the general and nuances. Isn't that amazing to think about? If I didn't teach it, they didn't learn it. Sometimes the weight of responsibility becomes all too apparent. I am so proud to have been able to be her teacher, and well, a teacher to all my students--even the ones that make me want to tear my hair out.

There is an indescribable value to having good teachers in this world. Am I the best teacher? By far and away no. But I care about my students, invest time and effort, and if I were staying in the profession, I might I would get there. I hope that something can happen soon in terms of education reform to make it possible for all students to receive an equal and fair education by well trained teachers implementing best practices.

Either way, today has made me thankful, proud, and happy. I feel like I have accomplished something, even just a little. 

Back to TFA

Ramble Time. 


As of today, I have been a teacher for...eight months and change. Now I only have 18 teaching days left. 


Today was the National Honors Society Induction. Remember that? It was that group in high school that you and your friends were initiated into? You got a pin? A rope for graduation? 


Yeah, it's a vague memory for me too. But I when I sat at the induction today, I realized how important it actually is to my students. I say my students because, even though I've never really had any of them in my class (I teach Freshman, they were all Juniors), they all still seem to know my name as, Ms. S, the biology teacher and the holder of the bathroom keys! 


Anyways, the ceremony was after school and the students came dressed up. I mean the girls were in fancy dresses with nice heels, their hair done, and make-up on. The boys were in nice shirts, and some even in suits. It was the suits that got me. They were either too big, or too small. There was not a boy who was wearing a jacket that fit him. There was one student, whom I actually taught before, who was wearing his father's suit. It was old, and it was huge, but he was wearing it. 


It broke my heart just a little. I don't know why. I mean, I guess it was the juxtaposition of the importance of the event with how little my students actually have.


Do their wealthier peers care about NHS? Does it mean anything? I don't know, I can honestly tell you it didn't mean much to me. But seeing the students look super professional, their parents running around taking pictures with their phones, most with tears in their eyes. Well, it got to me. These 27 inductees were the top of the top at my school, and the 14 current members were among 60 graduating students at my school. 


They need help, the community does. I mean, I have known this all along, all year, you see it every day. But I guess this time it was different for me, because it hit really hard. 


I know that a lot of people say they are going to dedicate their lives to helping the under served, but dammit, I see it. I work with it. I know the potential these students have, and where all the competing social and economic factors are pushing them. There is no way in hell I can turn my back on it now. The kid in his dad's suit was ridiculously happy when he walked across the stage. There is no way I can turn my back on that. 


So I guess I'm saying, TFA was painful, but I'm sure as heck glad I did it, because my eyes are wide open, I know what I'm getting into, and dammit, I want to do it. 


Okay -- here end-eth the ramble. 

Ambulances at School and Cranberry Hootycreeks

Another day, another recipe. This one is from last weekend -- I decided I needed a new type of cookie, and I remembered the ones I had in California, they amazing cranberry, oatmeal, white chocolate cookies with pecans in them...so I went on a quest to find the recipe. Let me tell you something -- it's amazing how many different recipes people have for cranberry cookies out there! Anyways...I ended up finding them after much searching (when I probably should have been lesson planning...but that's neither here nor there), and found out they're called...Cranberry Hootycreeks -- I'm not even kidding. I tried to figure out what a hootycreek actually was to no avail...but I gave up when the cookies were done, because well -- they were too tasty to leave just sitting there. I actually snarled at Tyler when he tried to eat one...anyways! Below is the recipe. 

Recipe:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

1 and 1/8 cup all purpose flour

1/2 cup dried cranberries

1/2 cup rolled oats

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1/3 cup white sugar

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup chopped pecans (or chopped walnuts are good too!)

1/2 cup white chocolate chips

1/2 cup butter (softened...NOT melted)

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla

Cream together butter, egg, and vanilla. Mix in the white sugar and the brown sugar. Add in the nuts, cranberries, white chocolate, and the baking soda. Mix in the flour and salt. 

Use spoons to make balls of dough and put them on a greased cookie sheet. Put it in the oven for 8-10 minutes or until the edges are brown. Any cookie dough that is left over...just roll it into a log and freeze -- you can have cookies all week! 

----

Anyways, while that's baking -- here's something interesting that happened this week. It was a relatively calm week. I taught the students about evolution/natural selection (one of my favorite topics) and I had relatively few outbursts...only 3-4 times did students either---

A. Start rapping about Jesus (my response: excellent, mail those lyrics to Drake!)

B. Get up and say "ADAM AND EVE WERE THE FIRST PEOPLE ON EARTH! SCIENCE DOESN'T BEAT THE BIBLE" (Yep, and if Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, all you need to know is that evidence suggest they were made in Africa.)

C. Sigh and say "Do we HAVE to know this if we don't believe in any of these science-lies?" (Yes, it's on the test.) 

But I was enjoying the week overall. Well...Friday rolls around, and I've only packed one enchilada in my lunch box to feed me during a work day where I burn 1900 calories on average...so you can assume I'm relatively grumpy because I'm hungry. My students come in after lunch just flipping out about this kid who got the "living shit beat out of him Miss!" as one of my students put it. Apparently one of our students had to be taken away in an ambulance because there was a bloody fight during lunch. After asking several students what happened and getting some crazy stories, I pieced together what happened...

Kid A wanted to fight Kid B, because Kid B punched Kid C in the eye the day before, and Kid C is Kid A's good friend. So Kid A came up to Kid B during lunch and said "You wanna fight me now or after school" and Kid B was smart enough to say "now" and in 20 second it was over. With a Kid B on the ground lying in his own blood, and Kid A being arrested. 

I say smart enough because if it was after school, god knows if that kid would have gone through it without serious permanent damage, or even if he'd be alive. As my students described to me what happened, that Kid B was hit "20 times in 20 seconds" I just couldn't help but be amazed by the cycle of violence. 

What's going to happen next? Are Kid B's friends gonna fuck up Kid A? Or maybe Kid A's brother? Or sister? When does it stop? How do you make it stop? For someone who really likes answers, I can't figure out one...What do we do, show them a video about non-violence? Create a mentoring program? Yell at the top of our lungs that if they just graduate and go to college things can be so much better?

It's what they see all around them...when the people around you aren't handling things with their brains, but their fists, what are you supposed to do? It takes amazing will power...strength of character, to not partake in that behavior, especially in the group of students I work with. 

I think you can teach students to handle situations with their brains, not their fists. Build their brains up, give them knowledge, tell them exactly what they need to do to get into college or whatever post-secondary career they want, show them how to do it. Push it ALL the time. They might be in school for less time than they're out in their communities, but there is a way to get the message across -- I know they have in other low-income districts. How though and why don't we as a society? I don't know. 

A woman was charged with a felony earlier this year for lying about where she was living to get her daughters into a better school, because she knew that not all public education was equal, and it's true. We can't stand for that. My students don't deserve any less of an education, or a chance at understanding why they need to use their brains and not their fists than the students in the Alamo Heights district. The only difference is money and skin color. 

By second lunch, they wiped up all the blood from the floor, and my 7th period students came into the classroom, saying how they could have taken Kid B, or discussing what fight strategies they would have used. 

Yeah, we definitely have to find a way to stop it. Any ideas?